voices in my mind

I was surprised. Today was the school’s prayer day. And I knew nothing about it until we were herded to the hall. Didn’t feel religious while it was going on.. maybe it could just mean I’m better off a pagan (laughs). whoa, but there were these 4 guys who sang acapella, as they put it. It’s probably the only thing I can applaud at. Singing bhuddist songs and getting a real applause is difficult, but these guys pulled it off fine. My hat off to them. Then came the real praying. In the middle of it all, while the monk was chanting, I started laughing for no apparent reason. Don’t ask me what went through my head then. Something just tickled my mind and I started laughing. If it weren’t for the utter silence in the hall(ok. so there was chanting.) I wouldn’tve tried to restrain myself. I took a look around, and saw: Some were yawning, some were sleeping, some were really enthusiastic(how much more can one get at this?!) and some were *shock and surprise* studying bm, which is later in the day.

Then I sang until my throat was hoarse. Thank aiori for picking bonnie pink – last kiss as a song. And mostly mine for suggesting TiA – ryuusei. Both are high, but there’s one part of last kiss which I really cannot do.*cough cough* plus me having the startings of a flu. So it was so screwed up I laughed my arse off hearing us sing. I just hope it works out. Aiori has a pretty sharp voice..some control on her part would be good. As for me, not that I sound absolutely terrific or anything, but I guess I should be working on harmonizing. I don’t really have a good idea on how it works. >_< I've never sang with someone else before, usually I go solo..bleah.. Good luck to us.

in a void where the Pandora’s Box resides

Emptiness is a queer thing. Like reaching for a bottle of water when dying of thirst. To discover that its empty, and there is not an oasis in sight. Would one die? Or would hope still strive in oneself to stay alive?

I had never thought it would plague my mind as it does now. Once again a gap penetrates the already thinning consciousness of my mind. I can’t describe it. So empty, empty… Like a solar eclipse. Merely waiting for it to pass.

Speech is of a hindrance to me now. I have no use for them, for who is there to listen? And what is there to say after? I cannot even sort out my thoughts, let alone arrange the words for which is wanted.

15 more minutes.

Goodbye to you, and godspeed.

of solid and matter

heh~ I finally obtained a copy of the cowboy bebop ost1 today (yay)..The music is so retro. Fresh out of an 80s show. Lots of brass, and jazz, performed by the seatbelts, composed by the one and only yoko kanno. Favourite tracks are Tank! and Piano Black. Oddly enough, Steve Conte sings Rain. And I like that little review of the seatbelts’ history. Amusing.

Borrowed and returned Mitch Albom : the five people you meet in heaven.

I just have to say that Eddie is one heck of a lonely guy.

I couldn’t sort my feelings out on this one. I didn’t burst out into tears or anything. Probaly cause I’ve steeled myself for this heart-wrenching things..It’s generally a good read. A kind that makes you thnk deep, and is not too thick..196 pages. Fragments of it still linger in my mind. Personally it brings Eddie’s life to surface. If your life flashes before your eyes before you die, it relives itself once again on seeing these 5 people that changed your life, wether you realize it or not after your death. That people are never perfect, and it takes all sorts to make the world. That the life we lead is merely a prologue. I suppose in a way the meetings are a sort of self-discovery, answering questions hidden in the Pandora’s Box.

My favourite turn of events is when he meets up with the Captain. The 2nd meeting. Somehow, man alywas show their true colours in battlefield. Literally, blood, sweat and tears. A guresome reality that Eddie came to know, how the Captain shot him to keep him alive, while he himself was blown by a land mine, spraying into an array of limbs and mush, splattering blood on the windshield of the truck that led him to safety.

Slumped down on the bed to read it, finishing about 3 ½ hours later. I know, I read pretty fast. I should be fined for overclocking.

the don’t-care-ish days are coming

This morning (let’s say..12:01 am) was quite..um..funny. Yes. Amusing would be the word. I think I must’ve felt overly joyous because I’ll have no more nerve-wrecking exams in another month or so. Until SPM, that is. So I started bugging ji hui for no apparent reason. Turns out to be he’s really busy with some paperwork of his. We just dragged on until midnight or so, then it just had to turn into this;

me: Maybe I’ll say it now, it’s just a good time as any. I used to like you for awhile, and then some way or another I simply forgot about it. Weird ne? XD

ji hui: Amnesia? 😀

me: I dunno. =D maybe I got caught up in other things. Maybe we can call it displacement.

ji hui: I feel deeply insulted..

me: Don’t be. Not that you’re all that insignificant. (laughs) I thought it would be interesting for you to know….(I’m not typing the rest of the message, it’s irrelevant to the topic at hand)

His reaction was funny. It was in the middle of the night, I was about to drop off to sleep, then this came along. I had a good laugh at it this morning thinking about it. I wonder. Maybe I was thinking since he’s gonna go away I’d better take my chance and kacau him while he’s still here.

note: that was the first time I had told an ex-crush that I had liked him. Nothing special or anything. Just a statement.

At school, exams didn’t start till 11:30 am, so me bringing my iPod to school wasn’t a bad idea. Finally decided 2 out of 3 songs we (me+aiori) are gonna do for CF. ryuusei and winter bells. The other I leave it to my partner to worry herself out about it. hehehe~ Sang until my throat was hoarse. Lack of water does this to people like me who already don’t develop a habit of drinking water at regular intervals.

escaping reality

Yesterday, dad was talking to korg about “the birds and the bees,” as he put it. About how my brother keeps to himself. I love him for that. On the other hand, it may not be good for his social life. But that’s how it is with him. I can’t change that in him.

That aside, I’ve just come to realize how many other acquaintances of mine come in posession of their own blogs. And thus my list grows; slightly. I need to pick up my html again. I’ve forgotten alot of it, and I wanna learn flash when I have *enough* free time. sigh. I know I also wanted to pick up hacking(not for evil intentions, merely for personal amusement). And then I wanted to learn some cooking from my grandmother. I can only cook the bare basics, like rice and maggi ^_^

Now I’m drifting into a shortlived haven. Kept aside for emergencies like these. “well-used” would be the correct terminology, for it’s helped kept my sanity away from the claws of despair and angst. This place simply resides in that little black box at a corner of my mind. Also a trove of which I store memories, both sweet and bitter. Bittersweet. I don’t know. A taste that one cannot define. Or one of which perception hasn’t found the words for yet.

fresh review : Jay Rayner – The Apologist

Just finished reading the apologist. Surprisingly it only took me 3 days to read despite the fact that it came complete with a prologue, epilogue, acknowledgements and 400+ pages in size 7 print(and an occasional 5).

I was irked by the fact that:

  • Its use of obscenities are of little/no effect. I think I know why I rarely buy modern fiction. Their use of vulgarity can be so immature. Where’d all the creative juices flow? Down the drain? I’m obviously not impressed by the four-lettered words be it fish or duck. There is an art to cussing. At the very least, be dignified about it.
  • Actually the starting was really good. I salute the contents for the first third of the book. After that Marc Basset just seems to go downhill. Right into the deepest darkest trenches of shame. The lacking of it is that Marc just doesn’t show himself properly. Then again I can’t really blame the book. Humans are selfish creatures that take things for granted. The last few pages of the book saved itself from being disposed of permanently.

Then again, on the other hand:

  • Before things started to screw up, I seriously liked Marc’s restaurant reviews. The grosteque reviews give him freedom of speech ^_^. He shoulda stayed a restaurant critic. In the end he returned to his former job, so in that sense I’m happy for him.
  • Then there was the food.**drools** The recipes are breathtaking. Chocolate, chocolate and even more chocolate every page you turn. So what if fondue isn’t my favourite dish. They way he describes scallop cooked in chilli just makes my mouth water. And thus, Jay Rayner in reality does work as a restaurant critic in a magazine called The Observer.
  • Not forgetting Marc’s past. Particularly interesting because it’s so bombastic. Makes me laugh. He’d grow into a good grandfather who tells stories better than the professionals on TV. His brother Luke(short for Lucas) is pretty much abused, mentally and physically. Personally, he’s quite an interesting character. AND that treasure trove where the house supply of chocolates are stored(for a while anyway).Drool, drool, DROOL!!!XD

the best medicine is always bitter

I’m addicted to the apologist. I simply love Marc Basset’s way with words, here’s a preview:

You can learn much about the quality of a restaurant’s cooking by the speed with which the food disappears into the diner’s mouth. You can learn rather more if it happens to come flying out again.

I don’t feel happy today. I don’t know why. Must be dreading the exam results already..I don’t think I’ll do well. I didn’t really put in much effort. ~_~ But I can’t say that, now can I. There’s alredy a bunch of people who got there before me. They’ve been at it since the exams started. ^_^

Stopped by the primary school on the way home. Things are so different. It still has that nice breeze when you sit by the benches under the huge tree near the canteen, though now it’s so much more haggard.. Hear the tree whisper to you students’ secrets and a piece of its thoughts. Hear the tree sigh in anguish of passing time, how it worries for its future, how it would follow in its fate similar to that of the tree by the back gate. Hear it sigh contentedly as it tells you the countless stories of the souls that had sheltered under it. Treasure the silence of the moment. And so I store the joys of the silent world into a little black box hidden in a corner of my mind. I had an urge to scribble, but I had no paper. So defeated that I couldn’t be with it a little longer, I headed home.

Probably I sought solace for my troubled mind. This insignificant self that was too proud for advice. Yet it seeks comfort in form of words and thoughts. It confronts dead ends at a crossroad. When in a better state it will take up a drill and create a hole of which to crawl out of the darkness that binds it to despair. And is greeted by the clear, cold sky.

das monster in mir wächst grösser

biology3 was so.. how do I say it. Stupid. I didn’t think that an experiment I was laughing over earlier in the day would turn out to be the experiment that I would end up writing to get me 17 marks. It’s about the effects of changes in the blood osmosis levels towards urine discharge. EGh. Now I understand why this experiment was, is and never will be carried out in school. It would be scandalous.

Needless to say, I didn’t study at all. I’m so fed up with the steady flow of exams that I’m just about ready to kick the desk and start a massacre. I can’t understand this exam-oriented education system. Blardy things think that spoon-feeding us with this crap is going to get us somewhere in future. No wonder humans only use 10% of their total brain capacity.

I’m starting to think of this as a responsibility. I just like to fill this up so that maybe, when I have nothing to do I’ll just read some of this. Fragments of my mind scattered in the passing of time. Then take some time to pick up the pieces blown away by flooding of events that will settle in the precipice.

hello, seventeen.

today was… well.. okay. Let’s just say that I had mixed feelings on this day. ^_^

First off, I was happy cause it’s my birthday~ I’ve some presents of all sorts. Went to watch Puteri Gunung Ledang and had a great time laughing throughout the movie, thanks to these morons reeis and aiori. We were practically making fun of everything; the Bollywood scenes right up to the ever-constipating Gusti Andipati and his prime minister. We seriously had to be restrained from killing ourselves in the cinema. But all in all, it’s a pretty good local movie. Gusti Putri is cool, who cares if she’s paired up with M. Nasir who’s Hang Jebat. Egh.. Hang Jebat is old enough to be her father dammit.

Reeis gave me a pea shooter. **smacks own forehead* I don’t know what to do with this. May be useful in future terrorist assaults. It’s those kind made in China; made of plastic, and it looks like a real gun complete with a magazine. Load it up and really kill someone with it. The bullets are small enough to choke little kids. And really hurts if you get hit by a ricochet. Or so Reeis claims.

Then straight after the movie I went to dinner at Vila Danieli @ Sheraton. All right XD I still love the food there~ especially the wild mushroom cappucino (it’s soup in a cup) and the bread. Too bad my Bailey’s Irish Cream was diluted, I guess the waiter mistook me for a kid. Damn.

Despite everything, I felt sad. Sad cause he’s gonna leave soon.. I won’t be seeing him for some time. He’s good company ^_^ My thoughts just had to stray at that moment. If I had known any better I would never have said goodbye at all.

pig cookies are mutated gingerbread cookies

Now that I’m done with Charles Dickens, time to move on! XD The book is called pig cookies and other stories by Alberto Alvaro Rios. If it’s one thing of these Mexican/Spanish people, they’re style of writing is very blunt. I like it. Cause nothing works better than being straightforward. But you have to moderate the frequency of reading books of the same genre. Too much and you’ll blow up, shredding the book. Alot like what John Steinbeck would write, but different because this genre of books rely heavily on the writer’s past/present.

aiori and reeis just gave me my ‘temporary present’ today. Or so aiori claims. She gave me her hagaren mousepad(I mistook it for a shitajiki, since they’re almost the same size anyway.) and on first sight, since it was wrapped, it did look like they were giving me a piece of cardboard. XD I opened it *without ripping the wrapper – I’m particular about saving wrappers for no apparent reason*, and rewrapped it..I think I’ll officially ‘open’ it again on my birthday. My thanks to both of you, I know you’ve suffered under my relentless and tireless sarcasm.

I think I’ve generally sorted out my itenary for Sunday; I’ll go watch Puteri Gunung Ledang. Then have dinner at..umm… Should I go to the Pacifica Grill again? I went there last year, and I really like the interior~ I mean, really nice cushions and genius ventilation so that I don’t get whiffs of pungent cigarette smoke. The food is really nice too~ they serve fusion food. Big discovery; they serve vegetarian food! And it tastes nice! Just that it’s very filling. Hey wait: What do I do for the morning? **kicks self** Got taekwondo la bodoh. Ok. That quite settles it then.

Tackled chemistry1 and chemistry2 today. Quite okay. I didn’t really screw up until they asked for the chemical name of aspirin.. How could I forget it?! acetyl salicylate.

I am happy. All paper2’s are over. Now mugging for paper3s begin.