On Saturday, I had a neutral day.
I am thankful because I got to spend time with Chris and Pikachin. And I watched a movie which was based on an excellent book series – Madeleine L’Engle’s A Wrinkle In Time. I still love that even after 20 years, the book remains relevant (even if sadly so.) I also had some excellent steamboat and I’d do that again.
I didn’t treat myself well because sometimes I still missed that Jaz wasn’t with us. He was busy, yes, but it still felt like a piece was missing.
Today I am a happy girl. I got to cut my hair, color it (subtle and sweet), talk my heart out, and spend time spoiling myself silly. Good food, good company, good money spent. I need to treat myself again.
Thank you for the truth.
The truth is, my heart of hearts already kind of knew. You just confirmed it, and I was just unwilling to confirm those fears until you said it.
Is it strange that I felt a kind of relief?
I FINALLY have a conclusion to all this weirdness. So it turns out that he was just trying to make sure I had no more feelings for him. Or rather, treating me harshly would kill whatever feelings I had left.
GOD DAMN LOL. Stupid man.
I just want you to be happy, and though I thought I still had a tiny chance I am not crazy enough to put you through all that again.
Don’t think I’m ready for anyone new at the moment – just gonna take my time, and be at peace with who I am. And who I want to be when the right person comes along.