Sometimes I think I don’t deserve all that I have. I’m such a person who doesn’t appreciate what’s there, nor does anyone appreciate me. Doesn’t feel like it makes much of a difference whether I’m there or not.
I think it’s also that I don’t do anything much that makes them or myself think that I should get more out of it. I feel like giving up sometimes.
I make the commitment to be better to myself but that also means being a bit crueler to everyone else. I mean, it doesn’t matter much to them because they only see me as someone they can make use of until they don’t need me anymore.
Do I treat people that way?
I’m trying to be ok with myself, by myself. I don’t think it’s working, but I gotta make it work. I don’t think anyone understands. I hate it.