Assuaging midnight pain

For quite awhile now I was in pain.

Not because I was in love with this person, but because I loved the actions he did for me made me feel wanted and appreciated. And now he does that for the sake of someone else. It makes me feel unwanted, unappreciated and that I am not worthy of any of these things. So much so that I end up telling myself that this is all I deserve. That I am not worthy of being loved and respected unless I was willing to put up with someone who bullied me into agreeing with just about anything he said or did.

I want someone who loves me for me.

I’ve said this so many times to myself. And when I do come across that special someone I will be able to love them for being themselves as well. Of course we would not agree on eeevrrything but we would always try to understand each other. And trust that our thoughts and opinions would be heard with as little judgement. And we would learn together, grow old together-gether. Take care of each other in the ways that matter. And definitely, to have the ability to create laughter and love with every moment that we share with each other. And that is what happiness means to me.

I woke up as the Azan was being called out.. And I remembered actual pain as I said those words I typed out aloud. The fear is real enough to weigh my heart down and to occupy my thoughts the very moment I woke up.

May I overcome this challenge with peace in my heart.

Sometimes I think I read too much shoujo manga. Maybe I think I need those sugar sweet happy endings 😛